Matt and Jami
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Best Man's Speech 9/28/2008

We're here today to celebrate the marriage of my brother of 28 years, Matthew, and my sister-in-law and newest member of the Koch family, Jami. Many of you think you know my brother, but you don't really understand someone until you have lived with him. I have friends and neighbors that I socialize with regularly, but the people who I love and share my life I consider my family. I have two sons of my own now, Nicholas and Logan, and I have the unique perspective of reliving what Matt and I went through as brothers. Jealousy was a common theme from our childhood, because as Matt and I got older we had to play and have everything the other had. We had two complete sets of Transformers, He-Man, G.I. Joe, and Super Friends, all complements of Mike Valentine at Valentine's Toy and Hobby. It went as far as mom putting red and blue name stickers on some of our toys so we would not waste any more money and learn to share. I think the only toy we ever shared might have been LEGOs, but now Matt owns a collection that takes up two basements.

Then there was the never-ending battle of fake and real torture between us. Matt would whine that I was bothering him and mom would respond, only to find me working on geometry in my room. But there was the time I accidentally impaled Matt on Grandpa Jack's steel Re-bar bird house pole, the bar running parallel to his spinal column, but he survived un-paralyzed. Then there was the time my nearly healed right leg was in an air-cast and we were playing soccer. Matt thought it would be a great idea to "cleanly" slide tackle my leg, thus ending my freshman soccer season. And the time I knocked his front tooth out with a long tree branch while playing our version of Lord of the Flies. We were able to save the dirty tooth, wash it off, and the dentist fused it back into his jaw so he can smile nice and not look like a toothless hillbilly for the cameras today. This goes to show that you can whine for mommy and daddy, but if you whine too much, your older brother might make you live to regret it.

Matthew, you are a strong, sensitive, diligent young man, and Jami, you are a beautiful, caring, intelligent young woman. To keep your marriage strong, you must cherish times when your love shines, and sense and respond to each other in times of great weakness. Some say that nothing is perfect, but not feeling alone in the world, loving your spouse, and sharing the time you are given, I'd say that's perfect.

And now, I need everyone to find the envelope in front of your place setting, but do not open it!

My trip here to Pennsylvania including gas, hotel, and meals: $250. My tuxedo, which was stolen from Sarno and Son, returned, and I am wearing today: $141. The expression on your faces when you open your envelopes now and look inside: priceless!

Look everyone; look at the cute picture of the newly married Mrs. Jami Krotch, I mean Cook, Coach, Coke, Cooch, no, KOCH!

And Jami, every man needs a night out with the guys. So when he tells you he's going to "play the ponies", make sure he's going to Pocono Downs and not putting $50 down on Snuzzle or Butterscotch from Ebay.

Thank you, good luck, and lots of love to the happy couple, Matt and Jami!

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